Blogs and Other Things

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Director: Jared Hess

Studio: Warner Bros. Pictures

Starring: Jack Black, Jason Momoa, Jennifer Coolidge

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RATING: 28%

A good reminder that we don’t deserve dogs.

…and that we don’t deserve to listen to Jack Black’s periodic attempts at singing.

(Believe me; no one does)

Regardless, calling this a “film” review feels like a stretch; A Minecraft Movie is one of the least interesting pieces of media I’ve seen in quite some time.

(And I saw Snow White two weeks ago)

So let’s just call it a review (of whatever that was).

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Before it even came out, I was already having doubts.

As an avid Minecraft player throughout my childhood, the idea of a Minecraft movie definitely excited me at first…until I saw the trailer.

It was going to be live-action.

Strike one.

Strike two was that Jack Black was playing ‘Steve’ (the game’s main character), which told me all I needed to know about the filmmakers’ understanding of the game.

While there are multiplayer game modes in Minecraft (which are more intense and fast-paced), the game is ultimately based on single-player survival, where you’re dropped into a world and learn to survive by gathering resources, building shelters and living off the land.

Thus, I don’t mean to put Jack in a box (hehe), but just one listen to the soundtrack will tell you that the game of Minecraft was designed to be a chill, blissful escape from the chaos of the world.

(In other words, the opposite of every Jack Black character ever)

And while counting a single casting decision as a strike may seem dramatic, it spoke to something larger in terms of the movie’s failure to understand one of the game’s defining characteristics.

The feeling.

Because I felt nothing.

And the scarier part is: I don’t think I was meant to.

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Unfortunately, regardless of how well-made, well-intentioned or important a movie is, film studios will approve of whatever makes them the most money; thus, when movies like A Minecraft Movie do so well, executives will consider it a success.

However, part of the reason it did so well is because of the role it played in countless childhoods around the world; naturally, folks like me were excited to see a part of their youth come to life on screen.

…and naturally, many left disappointed; as we know, the game thrives on the feeling it evokes in those who play.

But the movie didn’t get the memo.

Don’t get me wrong, not every movie has to be the most thought-provoking piece of art ever created, but we should look to encourage the production of movies that at least appear to make an effort.

Anyway.

In my mind, A Minecraft Movie could have successfully been either of the following: 1) a thoughtful, nostalgic character study with a fleshed out storyline, or 2) a satirical comedy self-aware of its creative decisions.

But it was neither.

And that was strike three.

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Strike whatever-number-we’re-on (four yes I can count) involves creativity and, specifically, the film’s inability to understand what that actually is.

Minecraft (the game) excels through creative freedom: your world is your own; you can endlessly build, mine, travel and farm, which differentiates it from other story-based games that often define the creative process for you before you get the chance to explore it for yourself.

But the film decided to go a different route, and we’re all worse off for it.

Ever heard of “brain rot”?

If you haven’t, it’s pretty self-explanatory…and it’s precisely what A Minecraft Movie feels like.

The film is tailored to young kids – specifically those whose minds are showered with “brain rot” content on the daily, which should be of concern to anyone who cares about the future of our species.

If A Minecraft Movie is made for kids, why does it try so hard to fit in with “brain rot” culture?

In other words, what does this say about our confidence in the next generation?

(Great things, I’m sure)

Regardless, when I was a kid, the movies I grew up watching made you think and care about something other than yourself, teaching valuable lessons we could understand and carry with us into adulthood.

Nowadays, though, kids are surrounded with memes and “brain rot” content, and studios are starting to recognize their popularity; A Minecraft Movie‘s creative decisions were designed to appease exactly that.

For the money.

For the memes.

And ultimately, for the worse.

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As a video game, one of Minecraft’s best attributes is how it treats kids like intelligent beings capable of going beyond what is asked of them.

Unfortunately, A Minecraft Movie‘s disingenuous descent into social media culture evokes the exact opposite.

In my mind, it’s as simple as this: kids will grow up to be stupid if we continue to treat them like they are.

But if we don’t, their creative possibilities in today’s world are endless.

(So let’s not!)

Anyway.

It makes me incredibly sad that a game so nostalgic, so inspiring and – for many – so character-defining was adapted into a disjointed 100-minute meme fest where the jokes aren’t funny, sentimental scenes are inconsequential and the movie’s supposed “message” is spelled out in what probably could’ve been a short email.

If anything were to redeem this hollow video game adaptation, it would be Jennifer Coolidge.

But even she couldn’t save it.

(And believe me, she tried)